When you begin endeavours, you need to allow yourself the fact that there may be a very long time before you can deem yourself ‘good’.
For me though, it has always been a struggle because I know that logically yet I still abhor criticism or what I feel is criticism.
The smallest of things cut me deeply, sometimes I will remember a moment someone said that I dressed like a teacher while I was still in high school. It leaves me with a sensation of jagged rips before it slinks back to the recesses of my mind.
This is especially true for writing. You spend years learning how to write, from letters to words. to the myriad of writing styles and genres that you encounter. Maybe this is why I am so incredibly sore even when I believe I am not good at it. Just someone pointing it out… I don’t know why but it hurts and it affects me. Even when that person is trying to help.
My thoughts go into overdrive, that maybe I should quit, that I should never have started, that people are lying to me when they say it’s good.
It’s ugly and wrong.
I am getting better at recognising that being good is not the destination and the journey.
That even when those ugly whispers within my mind try to destroy my sense of creative worth, that it will go away. That even if this person does not like it, there is at least one person who does.
That I am proud of trying even when I hate it as well. Because I am still me after all.
I am learning not only how to write but to have more resilient skin.
While I try to piece together my next work.